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Monday, July 26th, 2010

Time:12:42 am.
Keep my name out of your mouth. K, thanks.
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Time:2:06 am.
May 17, 2010
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Subject:A letter to the world
Time:2:14 am.
Dear friends/readers of my lj/anyone who happens to come across this:
(specifically to one person, but I know he doesn't read this... But I need to say it, so you all can just read it)

I do not tell you all how to live your lives, so please, dear fucking God, do not tell me how to live mine. I am a firm believer that people deserve forgiveness, even when, according to others, they don't. I sit silently while you push your opinions on me and internally fume from the irritation and lack of respect for mine. I am my own person. I am going to do whatever the fuck I want to. I'm not asking for understanding from everyone else or even approval for my actions, but just the respect to do w/ my decisions what I will. So, a preemptive or belated fuck off to anyone who thinks they know better than me. As I have said, I am my own person. And, if it comes to it, I'd willingly w/draw every account of friendship I have w/ you b/c I am not living my life to be someone's puppet.
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Time:7:05 pm.
I am not that person who functions well on no sleep... Nope. Not at all...
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Saturday, May 15th, 2010

Time:10:15 pm.
I'm so glad I'm so interesting... It keeps life from being boring
Comments: 1 Addict - Things Left Unsaid.

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

Time:8:53 pm.

This is definitely my favorite song from Glee... So far. It keeps getting better! I'm glad. Kristin Chenoweth is amazing.
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

Time:11:34 pm.
Seriously, this feels like pullin teeth
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Sunday, April 18th, 2010

Subject:I swear I haven't forgotten about you!
Time:1:55 am.
Mood: bored.
I still love you, livejournal.

So... Since the last time we corresponded:

Sissy had another baby. Odis Josiah, born February 1st. I'm a bad auntie and can't remember how big he was. I think he was 7, almost 7.5lbs and like... 22 inches? God, I am a bad auntie. Felix Isaiah born at 5:53pm on July 31, 2008, 6lbs 6oz, 19 inches. I'm tryin not to have a favorite, but Odie is a little lump and Felix is my best friend.

I stayed down there when Sissy was in the hospital. Felix and I had 2 days to ourselves and it was SO much fun. He definitely wore me out. At like... 9:30, he was startin to get loopy so I just let him hold onto my finger and we spun around in a circle for like.. Half an hr. And then he was out and slept all night. I love that silly little boy. He's startin to talk and I'm tryin to teach him auntie. It's just hard, tho, not bein down there.

I'm worried about Odie, tho, b/c I was there like... Every wk when Felix was 1st born. I'm still, really, the only person who has taken care of him w/o parental supervision. And I don't want Odie to not know me. I'm hopin Felix will be like "Dude, she's awesome! She's kinda scary, tho, when you climb on things that are fun to climb on. But other than that, she always has the good toys and OMG, she gives us sugar!!"

I wonder if it's really like how Rugrats made it seem. Like how Angelica could talk to the babies. I=nerd. I=huge nerd.

OOOOH!! But! Speakin of Sissy, she and Matt are gonna get married this summer. Matt's awesome, so I'm totally ok w/ it. Like... Matt's the kind of guy that I'd want for me. Super laid back, knows when to fight back, knows when to indulge the crazy, and just awesome. I knew Matt was a keeper when he helped me move back in w/ my parents b/c I kept thankin him and he was like "It's what family does"... He prolly doesn't even remember that. But I do. And that was before Felix was born, so like... Forever ago.

It's almost been a yr since my car accident. That's crazy. I wish I had waited a day to get my car/registration b/c I got it on April 30th and so it's due at the end of the month. If I had waited, tho, I'd have a whole nother month.

K, so I think that's enough for now. My sleep schedule is all kinds of fucked up and since I have to work alllll damn day Monday, I'm tryin to get my ass up early tomorrow. We'll see how that works.
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Time:1:56 am.
Random health issues:

-Low iron (I tried to donate blood AGAIN and they wouldn't let me b/c my iron was too low)... Which leads us to...
-Random bruising all over my legs (which means anemia is prolly likely)
-Probably carpal tunnel in BOTH wrists (go me)
-Possible cavity in back left molar (my toof hurts)
-Shoulder is malfunctioning... Again (Becca and I were putting up Halloween decorations. I couldn't reach something, she could. We're the same height. Her reasoning? "My shoulder actually goes all the way up)
-Nose ring pain (It's been an f'ing yr... Stop HURTING!)
-Getting really really really light heated for no apparent reason when I go to lay down in bed (self diagnosis: heart issues/smoking causing problems)
-Random left kidney pain (when I was all fucked up, I had hydronephrosis of my left kidney... Possibly still smooshed. There's scar tissue everywhere else in there)

I swear, I would be a hypochondriac... Except there actually IS shit wrong w/ me. But growing up around nurses, I know more stuff than a lot of people do and I know stuff about myself (lower left quadrant pain=Adhesion from surgery=Ignore even tho it hurts) so I just have to deal w/ it.

I need a husband or a job w/ awesome health insurance.
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Monday, October 5th, 2009

Time:12:58 am.
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Time:4:17 am.
I want to move back to Daytona... B/c I'm a coward and everything was easier there...

Don't you just hate it when something little happens, something that's totally seemingly insignificant at the time, and it just fucks your shit up and has you listening to the same song on repeat for the last hr and a half and reading old private LJ entries, when you really got on here to look at stuff from high school and laugh at yourself, and all you can do is cry and shake and be angry and lonely and sad and every emotion that's humanly possible to feel b/c there's some things that make you laugh but then make you cry after you get that chuckle out...

I wish I really regretted nothing in my life... I lie when I say I'm fine w/ everything.

I'M NOT FUCKING HAPPY. It's all a show. I feel lost and I don't know where I'm supposed to be going so I don't know how to get there.

I wish Sissy hadn't moved. I hate her for leaving me. I get so happy and excited when I talk to her, b/c she's my sister and I love her. But as soon as I hang up the phone, I'm like "I can't just drive over to her house" and get angry at her for leaving me. SHE LEFT ME. She left me to deal w/ Mom and Dad. Alone. When I moved, she lived out in Spotsy w/ Robbie. She could escape. I can't.
Comments: 2 Addicts - Things Left Unsaid.

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Time:8:53 pm.
Have I mentioned that I love Johnny Depp and want to do things to him that would prolly get me arrested?

Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

Time:11:26 pm.
He won!! I knew it!

At 220, I was like "Oh yeah. He's prolly peeing himself right now"


(Totally disregard... This is a nothing post)
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Saturday, October 25th, 2008

Time:10:52 am.
I'm not fucking cut out for this. I can't do this. I know it hasn't even been a month and yeah, I'm kinda in love w/ him, but I just feel like this is all a mistake...

He was supposed to come down last night. All wk, I kept asking him "You're sure you're coming down Friday night, right?" b/c we were supposed to go out w/ Becca and Drew. So yesterday at work, I had a really good 1st hr b/c one of the guys I work w/ bought me a cookie and some apple juice, just to be nice, and we just had fun. So I called him on my break, like he always tells me to, and what a surprise. Like every other day this wk, he didn't answer. So I get out of work and call at like 3:14 and he was supposed to leave early so he'd get here when I got out. Yeah, no. He was still at his house and waiting for his mom to get home so he could take her car. I was like "So what time are you planning on leaving?" and he was like "Early. I have to work at 5 tomorrow morning." and I was like "Well we're going to dinner at 7" and he was like "Ehh" and there was this long awkward pause like he was waiting for me to say "Well you don't have to come down" but I didn't. I was like "Well, whatever We'll figure it out." and I hung up coz I was going home. So I get home, I'm in the shower, and I'm like... livid. Super super pissed. So I call him and am like "Hey. Where are you?" and he's like "Still at home", keep in mind this was at like 4:30. And so I was like "Ya know, if you don't want to come down, don't. If you're just gonna be checking your watch the whole time, it's not even worth it." and he was like "Yeah, I mean I prolly will be just b/c I have to wake up early tomorrow. Well, do you wanna come up Sunday?" and I was like "I dunno." and he was like "Well you have it off, right?" and I was like "Yeah. I dunno, tho. I'll let you know." and he started to say something and I was like "Yeah, I have to go call Becca" and hung up the phone.

So I was seriously seriously pissed. Like, really really pissed. Like, I've had to wake up early after hanging out w/ him before. I sent him a text that said "I don't want to talk tonight. No everything is not ok. Yes I am mad at you. Yes I do want you to come down but you don't so don't bother. I'll call you Sunday when I've decided if I'm coming up."

I am pissed. Like... He doesn't want to do any of the work. It was kinda important to me that he come down so he can meet my friend. Like, he didn't want me to meet his, I wanted him to meet mine. I knew he wasn't going to come down, so I don't know why I'm this bothered by it. I honestly don't know if I want to go up tomorrow. I'm just gonna get mad at him and that's ptless. But at the same time, if I don't talk to him about it, I really have no right to get mad at him.

I knew I wasn't good at this. I don't know why I felt like this time would be different. Maybe I'm just meant to be alone b/c I can't do the whole relationship thing.
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Monday, October 20th, 2008

Time:2:53 pm.
I think I have a spider bite on my arm...
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Saturday, October 18th, 2008

Subject:Crazy crazy crazy
Time:10:01 pm.
So I'm gonna start doing this again.

So I'm workin at AC Moore which is kinda interesting. It's long and I hate it, but the discount is amazing. And it's money and who can complain about that, right?

And I'm dating Jon. Which is weird. I haven't done the relationship thing in so damn long and I'm so terrified that I'm going to fuck it all up. Like... There's a reason I've been relationship free for so long. I'm not good at them. I over analyze everything. Like, today. Jon told me he would call me tonight when he got off work. Yeah, he didn't. I called him. And I seriously felt like such a loser and was like "Is he mad at me? Is something wrong? what the hell is going on?" and really, I'm sure he just had a bad day at work and was tired. But this is me and this is what I'm worried about. I don't know how to just chill and let it all be whatever and what the fuck is wrong w/ me? And he had like... literally just gotten out of a relationship when he and I started hanging out and so what. He went from one relationship to another one. I mean, no we weren't official when we first started hanging out, but what the fuck was that if that wasn't what that was, ya know? I dunno. I know this is going to sound really crazy, but like. The person I'm dating now could potentially be the person I marry and have a life w/ and have children w/. And it's just so damn weird. I'm scared. I'm really nervous. But like... Ok, so I haven't been the greatest girlfriend/anything in a relationship and like.. I just hate it.
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007

Subject:Oh, LJ
Time:3:36 pm.
Mood: complacent.
How I have missed you. I'm sorry I haven't updated lately. I've just been busy. But that's no excuse, and I'm sorry...

So, things that have happened since the last entry:

I turned 21, which was awesome. I went down to Daytona to celebrate and got to hang out w/ Jamie and Butt, and that was so much fun. Jamie and I just stayed at home and watched Sailor Moon episodes on youtube.com while Butt was at work.

I'm back in school. That sucks. I hate it. I just hate waking up early and not being able to stay at home and watch TV and going to bed early. I'm taking bio, history, pre-calc, and English. So far, I'm doing pretty well in all of them. Pre-calc isn't that hard, which shocked the shit outta me, but it's essentially just Algebra 3 w/ Trig, and I took that in high school. And Courtney and Ashley from Kohl's are in my class, so I have someone to talk to, which is great. History, we've only met twice, b/c of scheduling and stuff. Becca's in my class w/ me and thank God for that, b/c there's this girl in our class that's so fucking annoying. And Becca and I sit there and make fun of her. It's fabulous. Except I hate history... Hm... But yeah, biology's fine. Whatever. It's fricken biology, ya know? "Identify which cell has a plant membrane and which cell has both a plant membrane and a plant wall"... If you're in college and you don't know that by now, dear God, go somewhere else. And English is like... pfft. We're freaking writing a personal narrative about a moment in our life that's like... 3 to 4 pages worthy. I'm going to write about going to see Wicked...

OH! I went and saw Wicked in NY... Like, Broadway, man. It was a-fucking-mazing! Julia Murney and Kendra Kassebaum and Sebastian Arcelus were all just awe-inspiring. Like, oh my God. It was just awesome. Sissy and I went and we stayed w/ Mom's cousin Lisa b/c she lives in Manhattan which, aside from a few blisters, is the most amazing place in the world. If it didn't cost $3000 to rent a closet, I'd totally move there. Maybe once I'm all grown up and have a job that pays more than $8/hr... That'd be cool
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

Subject:Somethin that made me smile
Time:6:57 pm.
Pinkchucks3943:  jurd!
volkmarshadow:  COL!!!!
volkmarshadow:  WHAT?
volkmarshadow:  :-)
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

Time:5:28 pm.
The letter A

Are you available?---> Yes
What is your age?--->20
What annoys you?---> A lot.

The Letter B

Do you live in a big house?---> Not really
When is your birthday?---> June 8th.
Who are your best friends?---> Butt and Jenny and Sissy

The Letter C

What's your favorite candy? Swedish fish or starburst or airheads or anything else that's chewy, really, and fruity.
Who's your crush?---> You. Duh!
When was the last time you cried?---> Tommy

The Letter D

Do you daydream?---> Yep. I used to be on medicine for it b/c apparently, while you're in school, looking out a window isn't a productive way to spend your time.
What's your favorite kind of dog?---> Ruby!
What day of the week is it?---> Tuesday.

The Letter E

How do you like your eggs?---> Scrambled w/ cheese
Have you ever been in the emergency room?---> No, never. Um, yeah. Bunches
What's the easiest thing ever to do?---> Why is answering this question harder than it should be? Um... I dunno. Carry on a conversation.

The Letter F

Have you ever flown in a plane?---> Yes
Do you use fly swatters?---> When they're needed...
Have you ever used a foghorn?---> Um... I honestly don't know.

The Letter G

Do you chew gum?---> Sometimes
Are you a giver or a taker?---> Sometimes
Do you like gummy candies?---> Sometimes

The Letter H

How are you?---> My tummy hurts
What color is your hair?---> Brown-ish blonde-ish

The Letter I

What's your favorite ice cream?---> Mint chocolate chip or cookie dough
Have you ever ice skated?---> Yes
Do you play an instrument?---> A few

The Letter J

What's your favorite jelly bean brand?---> I'm drawing a blank on the name of the brand, but it's the one that makes the grass flavored bean.
Do you wear jewelry?---> Not like I used to

The Letter K

Who do you want to kill?---> You
Do you want kids?---> Eventually
Where did you go for kindergarten?---> Grafton

The Letter L

Are you laid back?---> Typically
Do you lie?---> No (ha)

The Letter M

Whats your favorite movie?---> Wizard of Oz or Rocky Horror
Do you still watch Disney movies?---> Always
Do you like mangos?---> I don't think I've ever had a mango, actually...

The Letter N

Do you have a nickname?---> Yes
What is your real name?---> Colleen
Whats your favorite number?---> 39
Do you prefer night over day?---> Yes

The Letter O

What's your one wish?---> Clarity
Are you an only child? ---> Nope

The Letter P

What one fear are you most paranoid about?---> My ceiling fan falling out and landing on top of me and chopping me into a million pieces
What are your pet peeves?---> A lot. Bad grammar, tho, really gets to me. And people who use shorthand all the fricken time. Especially in text messages that are just like "how r u?". You don't get charged per character. You can type "are you". I promise it won't hurt.
What's a personality trait you look for in people? Honesty and the ability to maintain a conversation

The Letter Q

What's your favorite quote?---> It's not my favorite, but I like it "Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Are you quick to judge people?---> I try not to be.

The Letter R

Do you think you're always right?---> My current dilemma.
Are you one to cry?--> Yes.

The Letter S

Do you prefer sun or rain?---> Rain
Do you like snow?---> Very much so
What's your favorite season?---> Winter

The Letter T

What time is it?---> 5:39
What time did you wake up?---> Which time? 10:00, tho, was when I was up for real.
When was the last time you slept in a tent?---> W/ Joanne a loooong long time ago.

The Letter U
Are you wearing underwear?---> Yes
Underwear or boxers?---> Undies

The Letter V

What's the worst veggie?---> Peas
Where do you want to go on vacation?---> I'm goin to Daytona.

The Letter W

What's your worst habit?---> Fidgeting.
Where do you live?---> Virginia
What's your worst fear?---> Ocean's/lakes/pools at night time/bodies of water that aren't hot tubs or bath tubs or pools at the day time

The Letter X

Have you ever had an x-ray?---> A lot
Have you seen the x-games?---> On TV
Do you own a xylophone?---> No

The Letter Y

Do you like the color yellow?---> Only 10% of the population looks good in yellow.
What's one thing you yearn for?--> Clarity.

The Letter Z

Whats your zodiac sign?---> Gemini
Do you believe in the zodiac?---> Sometimes
Favorite zoo animal---> Elephants
Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007

Time:3:14 pm.

I don't like being at work when the dogs are at home when it's supposed to storm really badly... I just don't like it. Especially after the one tree fell down last time. We don't need another one to. Especially when no one's home...

I should've said no when Andrea called. I don't feel well, anyways. Good thing I can just sit here. I've only got one appt this afternoon, and then after that, I'm seriously just gonna stay in this chair...

Comments: Things Left Unsaid.

LiveJournal for I don't own emotion.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.